being a parent sucks sometimes

Cassidy is 9.

He’s in 4th grade.

He has struggled his entire scholastic career to “fit in” with the current mode of public education.

We finally felt like we had a handle on things when he was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. We changed his diet and it was like having a fancy new functional and happy-all-the-time Cassidy!

Apparently these changes aren’t translating over to school.

He has busted his butt this semester to get better grades. I mean really worked hard.

I just saw his grades.

They’ve gotten worse.

His reading/writing teacher had some awesome things to say. Like: “Cassidy seems disinterested in his work.” and “He’s capable of better and more work.”

I think she has no clue how hard he struggles to stay focused in the chaos of the classroom.

I think he’s exhausted and frustrated by trying so hard and still feeling like he’s failing.

I think I want to home school him.

The options are:

A. Get him diagnosed with something so we can start an EIP and have him labeled for the duration of his scholastic career.

or

B. Home school for a while and see if we can help him make some changes to mainstream again in a year or two.

Fuck. Parenting is hard.

With a new baby on the way. (Yeah, it looks like that’s really happening, I’ll be 6 weeks in a couple days)

With a demanding Toddler.

With needing to move or remodel.

What the fuck is the best option for him?!

I have no idea right now, honestly.

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then shit got real.

So- I was sad. So sad. To have lost a little baby.

Apparently the universe decided that was a mistake.

I’m already pregnant again.

4 weeks along today.

I’m nervous. And excited. And ridiculously happy.

And nauseated all the time.

The Travis was shocked. Then upset. Then worried. Now, I think he’s happy. We’ve been discussing names and cars to buy.

It’s still early, so there is a very real chance I could miscarry again.

I know I won’t though, deep down in my guts.

We haven’t told anyone because we know the judgement that will come with the announcement. At least, that’s my reasoning for not wanting to tell anyone yet.

I’ll try and keep writing here, since it’s for me and all. I always get really bad writer’s block when I’m pregnant and for about a year after. I’ll try to fight it this time.

Wish me luck.